


Ikea

by saltyparabolae



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 02:08:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7871557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltyparabolae/pseuds/saltyparabolae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erin's jealous of Holtz's girlfriend, but the situation isn't quite like she thinks. Holtzbert fluff. (potential triggers: food, mild injury, mild drug references)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ikea

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic in forever. i would love feedback if there's anything i can improve!

Erin Gilbert could tell something was up. Her colleague, Jillian Holtzmann, who historically had never left work until abruptly realizing the time around two in the morning or so, was leaving multiple times a day, promptly at 11 am and 5:30 pm. When questioned about it, she only grinned and replied that she had obligations. Now, normally, Erin had no desire to know what her coworkers got up to: the last time she’d tried to connect with her fellow professors at Columbia, she’d accidentally been invited to a department-wide orgy. But this was different. Erin couldn’t help but wonder what Holtz was doing each day, returning with scratches on her neck and the smell of tuna on her breath.

  
Erin asked Abby about it one day, but her only response was that after eight nights at the Chelsea Hotel, she preferred not to think about Holtz’s sex life. Slightly disgusted, but mostly intrigued, Erin couldn’t help but wonder how it might feel to scratch the soft skin of Holtz’s neck, to be the tuna on her breath. Slightly repulsed by her own thoughts, she decided to stop thinking about it.

  
And yet...she just couldn’t stop fantasizing about her younger teammate. However, she was still mortified at the prospect of pursuing her. Erin had never been reliable with the ladies; her usual pick-up lines were so horrible that they were generally downright ineffective, and that’s not how she’d like to begin a future with Holtzmann anyway.

  
What future, though? Holtz clearly already had a woman in her life, at least if those marks were to be believed. Erin hated the thought of breaking up a relationship, but she hated the idea of Holtz doing someone else even more. She decided to ask Patty for help. knowing that she’d successfully seduced Holtz at one point. That day, as they took their turn doing the lunch run, was the perfect opportunity.

  
“Patty, can I ask you something?” Erin inquired as they loaded the tacos into the Ecto 1.

  
“Yeah, of course, what’s up?” Patty prepared for another question about the paranormal history of New York.

  
“You and Holtzmann fucked, right?”

  
Patty spit out some soda. “Yeah, she was nasty. Why? What’s going on?”

  
“Well, I was just wondering, how did that happen?”

  
“I was at work late reading one night when she started doing the dancing thing–” Erin nodded – “so I joined in and soon she was grinding up on me, and neither of us really stopped. Why, you into her?”

  
Erin frowned. Of course dirty dancing would be the way into Holtz’s overalls, but now that she was spending such limited hours at the firehouse, it would be hard to catch her alone for long enough to make a move.

  
“You know,” Patty interrupted her thinking, “I can always take Abby out to do something if you want to spend some time at work with her – our anniversary’s coming up anyway, so I could take a whole day off–”

  
“Patty, you are a genius. That’s perfect! What day are you thinking?”

  
“Well, Friday’s the actual day, so probably then – I’ll let you know but I think you can count on us being out of your hair.”  
Patty parked the hearse. “Let me know if you need any more help from me!”

 

 

Friday came and Erin found herself alone in the firehouse with a particularly exhausted looking engineer, who had a fresh set of purple bruises on her neck. 11 am was soon upon them, and as Holtz stretched and stood up, Erin decided it was now or never.

  
“Where are you going?” she asked.

  
Holtz gave her a look and a lick of her lips. “Wanna come with?”

  
Erin wasn’t sure what she was getting herself into. Of course she wanted to go with the woman, but she was scared – she wasn’t sure she wanted to meet Holtz’s lover, at least not yet.

  
“Okay,” she finally said, trying to act casual, “just let me grab my sweatshirt from my desk.” She made to walk upstairs, but Holtz stopped her.

  
“Take mine,” she offered, holding out a worn MIT hoodie.

  
“You sure?” Erin checked, relishing nothing more than the idea of sharing clothes.

  
“Of course, now come on, we’ve got places to be!” Holtz beckoned her out the door.

  
As they got into the car, Erin couldn’t contain her curiosity anymore. “Holtzmann, where are we going?”

  
“Oh, you’ll see,” the blonde smirked. She actually wasn’t sure what Erin was expecting, but she was enjoying toying with her nonetheless.

  
After what seemed like an eternity, Holtz paused her music and parked by an old building. Erin didn’t notice any signs, but she figured it might be a dungeon or something anyway – that seemed like Holtz’s type of scene.

  
“So...?” Erin was desperate to know what they were doing, but didn’t want to say anything too cringeworthy.

  
“Calm your tits, we’re going upstairs and you’re gonna meet someone very special. That’s all. Can we relax now?”

  
No, Erin could not relax, but she burrowed further into the borrowed sweatshirt and followed her anyway. Together, they walked up twelve flights of stairs, Holtz humming off-key the entire time. Yes, there was a functioning elevator they could’ve used, but Holtz was having far too much fun messing with Erin to use it. As they neared the top of the stairs, Holtz turned, grabbed Erin’s shoulder and looked her in the eye. “I need you to know that she’s going to be very excited to see me, but I’m not sure what she’ll think of you. You can feel free to play with her too but just know your limits and stop if you get hurt too badly, okay?”

  
Erin nodded tentatively. This was it. She was going to meet the woman who had so radically changed her friend’s lifestyle. She braced herself as Holtz unlocked the door, standing slightly behind her just in case.

  
“Hey baby!” Holtz called into the apartment. “There’s someone I want you to meet!”

  
Erin heard hissing from inside. God, she knew Holtz was into some freaky stuff, but this...well, she’d never imagined this, and suddenly she wanted to run away as quickly as she could.

  
“Erin, get in here!” Holtz called, and reluctantly, she entered, only to be greeted by the sight of –

  
“My pussy. Beautiful, isn’t she?”  
And there, standing in the doorway with Erin, was an adorable kitten.

  
“Did my lil baby miss her mommy?” Holtz cooed, squatting down to pet the little fluffball.

  
“She’s perfect!” Erin gasped.

  
“Well, apart from the claws – we’re both still getting used to those,” Holtz admitted, rolling up her sleeves to reveal rows of scabs.

  
“Holtz, have you been treating those at all?” Erin asked, concerned.

  
“Nah, she’s just a lil baby, no harm done,” Holtz shrugged, standing up to walk into her kitchen.

“You should wash those off, they could get infected!” Erin chided.

  
“Maybe next time,” Holtz said as she opened a new can of tuna and spooned a tiny portion onto a plate, which she set on the ground.

  
“So yeah,” she looked at Erin as the kitten ate her food, “I’ve been leaving work to feed her. So are we gonna fuck or what?”  
Erin stared at her.

  
“Are we...you and me...together...going to...”

  
“Fuck. I assume that’s why you came with me to my apartment at 11:30 when you have riveting equations to work on back at the lab...unless...”

  
“Of course.” Erin grabbed Holtz by the neck and kissed her furiously, only stopping when she felt two tiny claws ripping into her ankles. Holtz noticed her abruptly pulling back and immediately glanced downward – “baby, what’d we say about this?” She was visibly exasperated.

  
“I am so sorry, Doctor Gilbert,” she intoned into Erin’s ear. “Shall we take this to the bedroom?”

  
Erin, obviously, would have liked that better than most anything in the world, but her attention was diverted. “Perhaps we could take this to the bathroom and clean up my foot first,” she suggested.

  
“Oh, but of course,” Holtz murmured, “if you’ll just follow me...”

  
Five minutes later they found themselves in Holtz’s bed with the door closed, attempting to figure out the sexiest way to remove a hoodie. Holtz’s instinct was to grab the zipper by the teeth and yank, which delighted Erin but didn’t really move the zipper at all. Similarly challenging was the removal of overalls and boots that Erin swore must’ve been quadruple-knotted. Finally, the two admitted defeat to their comfortable wardrobe choices and quickly undressed themselves, stopping when they were facing each other in only their underwear.

  
“Damn,” Holtz exclaimed. Erin blushed and reached back to unhook her own bra.

  
“Nah, stop that, I gotcha,” Holtz pulled her in, biting her partner’s lip as she unclasped the bra herself and ripped it off her new lover’s body. Erin moved to protest, but realized she was enjoying it too much to stop Holtz from doing pretty much anything.

  
And pretty much anything she did. When the two finally finished a couple hours later, Erin was covered both in sweat and hickeys.

  
She didn’t mind, though. Quite the opposite, actually. And judging by the soft sighs Holtz was making next to her, she hadn’t minded either. Erin considered asking if they should go back to work, since it was only mid-afternoon and they usually didn’t leave till midnight on Friday nights, but she remembered that Abby and Patty were out anyway, and besides, the thought of staying in with Holtzmann was incredibly appealing, for an afternoon or a lifetime. Reflecting on this, she turned to face her lover, only to find her sound asleep, limbs splayed and mouth open. Smiling gently to herself, Erin took her first real look around Holtz’s bedroom. It was much like her space in the firehouse: messy, yet purposeful. Dog-eared books were strewn about, as well as various pieces of inside-out clothing and random cosmetics: Erin could count at least seven tins or tubes of lip balm from where she lay. Of course, a layer of cat hair and a fire extinguisher completed the scene. If this were Erin’s apartment, there would be no way she could handle the mess, but it suited Holtzmann. There was something oddly charming about being in the room in its natural state; it was authentic, like Holtz didn’t need to hide anything from her. Thinking on this, Erin fell into a satisfied slumber.

 

 

They were both awakened a few hours later by a loud scratching at the door. “Oh shit,” Holtz mumbled, shooting up out of bed and putting on some random boxers lying on the floor. “Gotta feed the baby,” she explained. Noticing Erin awkwardly clutching at her bedsheets, she made an offer: “Any clothes in here are yours if you want them,” she winked, and strode into the kitchen to serve dinner.

  
“Here, Erin,” she called as she delivered more tuna to the plate.

  
“Holtz? What’s up?” Erin called back, deciding to don a large t-shirt laying on a desk chair, figuring that it looked relatively clean.

  
Holtz reappeared in the doorway. Leaning against the frame, she tried her best to remain smooth as always while revealing something deeply embarrassing.

  
“My cat is also named Erin.”

  
“Oh,” Erin-the-human laughed. “Well, that’s a funny coincidence!”

  
Holtz looked her in the eye the way only she could.

  
“I named my kitten after you.”

  
Erin had never had a pet named after her and did not know how to handle this information.

  
Luckily, Holtz knew just how to help her. In one fluid motion she closed the bedroom door again and slid her hand up the bottom of Erin’s shirt, assuming (correctly) that her paramour would be too mortified to borrow underwear, at least not yet.

  
Erin gasped and responded accordingly, taking the opportunity to grab Holtz’s breast with one hand and her neck with the other, pulling the blonde in again. Holtz found herself surprised by Erin’s enthusiasm and confidence: she was used to being in control. She wasn’t complaining, though; to the contrary, she was thoroughly enjoying herself, which would become a motif in the story of their relationship.

  
Around eight, Erin realized that as much as she liked biting Holtz’s neck, she was incredibly hungry, so as Holtz began going down on her for the fifth time of the evening, she grabbed Holtz by the hair and gasped, “Wow, buy a lady dinner first!”

  
The thought of taking Erin out was delightful. “Sure! We could go out somewhere fancy, wanna do it?” Holtz grinned.

“Though...not sure I have anything that fits your style - I mean you could always steal a suit, that’s fine...”

  
Erin smiled. “Holtz, much as I cherish the image of you in a suit, I was kinda hoping to stay in...if that’s okay?” She didn’t want to overstay her welcome, though at that point she wasn’t quite sure that was even possible.

  
“Yeah, yeah, totally, of course, what’d you have in mind?” Holtz was praying that Erin already had ideas because she was seriously the worst at making food-related decisions. At the Higgins lab she’d always relied on Abby to order everything and that’s how she liked it.

  
“Maybe pizza,” Erin suggested, to Holtz’s relief.

  
“Perfect. What –” she gave Erin a devilish smile– “ _toppings_ would you like?”

  
Erin was scared to make the wrong choice, but she was assertive anyway. “Pepperoni/mushroom?”

  
Holtz grinned. “My favorite.”

  
They spent the whole night wrapped around each other, eating and fucking and cuddling and watching women’s basketball, neither remembering ever being more content.

 

 

Eventually morning came and they were again woken by the sounds of feline Erin demanding to be fed. Holtz jumped up immediately, still fully nude, hoping human Erin could go back to sleep, which she promptly did. Holtz had a tradition: whenever she brought a girl back to the apartment for the first time, she liked to make her a nice breakfast. She didn’t cook a lot, but she was passable when she tried. Today’s special was Nutella crêpes, since Erin had just been complaining about the number of crêpes in New York (not nearly enough, she thought, especially after returning from a conference in Montréal). Holtzmann got to work and soon the apartment smelled amazingly unburnt, in Erin’s opinion. She took a moment to get up, this time rifling through Holtz’s closet to find an appropriate ensemble before joining her lover in the kitchen.

  
“It smells delicious in here!” she exclaimed, slightly hungry and very happy to spend another minute with the girl she was rapidly falling fully in love with.

  
“Morning, babe!” Holtz smiled. “I’ve got strawberries, bananas, or plain Nutella – whaddya prefer?”

  
How could Holtz have known that those were her three favorites? She couldn’t have. (She did, from long q-and-a sessions with Abby about Erin’s food preferences.)

  
Minutes later they were both sitting on the countertop together enjoying their breakfast, Erin’s head resting slightly on Holtz’s shoulder. To both of them it felt comfortable, perfect, even, like no relationship ever had before.

  
“Y’know, Doctor Gilbert,” Holtz sighed, careful not to use her first name knowing they’d have a cat in their faces immediately if she did, “I really like you.”

  
“I really like you, too, Doctor Holtzmann,” Erin admitted. And then they were casting aside their empty plates and kissing, not furiously like the night before but slowly, deliberately, both savoring the moment yet knowing the other wasn’t going anywhere, that there would be so many more of these moments coming in their shared future.

  
They finally pulled back a few moments later when they felt sore from sitting on a counter for so long. Looking around, Erin observed that in Holtz’s apartment so far she’d seen a bedroom, a living room and a kitchen, but there was no sign of anything resembling a dining room. In fact, she believed she’s seen a desk chair and a couch, but no chairs that went with an actual table, and thinking about it she just couldn’t let it go.

  
“Holtz, can I ask a quick question?”

  
“Anything, babe.” Wow, she observed. Holtz was really enjoying calling her that, and they hadn’t even been together a whole day yet.

  
“So, babe,” she began, trying it out and finding herself pleasantly surprised by the way it rolled off her tongue, “how long have you lived here?”

  
“Uh...let me think – I moved in after Abby and I broke up, so that would’ve been...” She started counting on her fingers. “Five years ago or so,” she shrugged.

  
“And you never got a kitchen table and chairs?” Erin prompted.

  
“Nah, the priority was always buying shit I’d actually use. Why? Do you have a nice table? I think my lease is almost up...” Holtz smirked.

  
“Jillian Holtzmann, you gigantic lesbian,” Erin teased. And yet, like every other offer Holtz had made, it was strangely compelling. “Yes, I do have a nice table, but we could always get an even nicer one.” She raised her eyebrows, ready to call Holtz’s bluff.

  
Instead, Holtz beamed. “I’m sure your table will be perfect for both of us.” Suddenly, she frowned. “Not sure how Erin would deal, though...have you ever had cats?”

  
“Nope. I had a dog in grad school but that wouldn’t affect her, right?”

  
“Probably not? I mean, we could bring her over for an hour as a trial and if she started pissing everywhere we’d know.” Really, Holtz was dying to see Erin’s place for herself, though she did of course have concerns about her pet’s well-being.

  
“That’s purr-fect,” Erin joked. Holtz groaned. “Does she have a carrier or anything?”

  
“Yeah, I’ll go get it. Actually – fuck – what time is it?”

  
Erin glanced over at the microwave. “Uh, almost noon, why?”

  
“Well, that’s her lunchtime and she’ll get hangry if I don’t feed her right away. Actually – could you – would you mind getting her food while I find her carrier? It’s probably best that she gets used to you now, anyway.”

  
“Of course,” Erin replied, secretly thrilled that she was apparently becoming a cat’s second mama, especially since said cat was named after her. She retrieved the tuna from Holtz’s (almost freakishly disorganized) fridge and served a quarter of it as she’d seen Holtz do. “Erin!” she called, and the tiny cat came running, immediately digging into her lunch. Holtz returned shortly thereafter, holding a carrier that Erin found comically large for such a small animal.

  
“So, Erin,” Holtz started, and both of her loves looked up at her.

  
“We’re going to need nicknames, aren’t we?” human Erin groaned.

  
“Okay, I’ll call you babe and the cat Erin,” Holtz suggested.

  
“I love that idea, but I’m not sure it’s going to work for awhile,” Erin said. “Other-Erin is still young, what if we start calling her Eri? In high school, Abby and I called each other A and E – I could be E again,” she volunteered.

  
“Excellent,” Holtz smirked. “So when I tell the crew I did E over the weekend it’ll be nice and ambiguous!”

  
Erin took the opportunity to smack her arm.

  
Holtz continued to smirk as she crouched down to coax Eri into her carrier. Erin did too, hesitantly petting the kitten’s head once before allowing her to run in.

  
“That’s odd,” Holtz mused.

  
“What is it?” Erin asked, suddenly afraid.

  
“Well, you saw how she was yesterday, and the weeks before that – super violent, and really into my neck.” Erin nodded. “She hasn’t scratched me once today. I think she must really like you.”

  
The two of them, with Eri’s carrier in hand, made their way down to the street. Holtz helped Erin sit in the passenger seat with the carrier in her lap, then took the wheel.

  
“So, Doctor,” she began, knowing Erin secretly adored the validation of being called by her title, “where to?”

  
Erin directed Holtz across the burrough. Reaching her complex, Erin realized she had no idea where to park – she’d always taken the subway to work, so she didn’t have a car of her own.

  
“It’s okay,” Holtz reassured her, sensing her worries, “I can park this thing anywhere I want and nothing’ll happen. People will assume we’re doing a bust.”

  
Erin knew this to be true, but the goody two-shoes in her was not entirely convinced. Holtz knew Erin would get over it, though – in fact, she figured her girlfriend would secretly relish seeing her break some rules.

  
“Alright,” Erin finally sighed as Holtzmann finished parking. “Shall we?” She began to open her door, only to realize that exiting a car with a cat was much more difficult than it looked. Luckily, Holtz was there to race around the side of the hearse to grab Eri’s carrier and Erin’s hand.

  
Just as Holtz’s apartment had been exactly how Erin expected, Erin’s apartment was exactly how Holtz expected. The foyer was neat, the only clutter in sight being some scientific journals open on the coffee table. Erin (and, with some difficulty, Holt) even took her shoes off before walking in.

  
“Christ, babe, this place is fucking immaculate,” Holtz marveled.

  
Erin blushed. “Well, probably not for much longer, huh?” Excited as she was to be a cat mom, she had some reservations about Eri’s hair getting all over her pastel furniture.

  
“If you’re concerned about me, I can keep the mad science at work,” Holtz offered.

  
“That’s touching, Holtzmann, but I’m worried about Eri and my furniture.”

  
“Hm,” Holtz thought on that, glad her girlfriend was already communicating her concerns. “Tell you what: we can get some of those fancy-ass furniture covers for your nice couch and, I assume, chairs, and then get a cheap couch for Eri.”

  
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Erin tried, and failed, to show how excited she was at the prospect of an –

  
“IKEA trip!” Holtz cried.

  
“Yes!” Erin agreed. “Exactly!”

  
“Right now?”

  
“It’s a date!” Erin jumped to put her shoes back on.

  
“Um, are we just gonna leave Eri here then?”

  
“Oh shit,” Erin remembered. “I mean...why not? If she pees everywhere, we can clean it up, right?”

  
Holtz thought back to her undergrad days, when she tried to introduce multiple illicit kittens to her dorm at once, and decided for the first time in her life that she was unwilling to repeat the mistakes of her past.  
“Let’s take her back to my place, where she has a couch and a litter box, and bring her back when we’ve got this joint set up for her.”

  
“Smart,” Erin nodded. “Should we let her out for a few minutes before we leave?”

  
“Oh, sure.” Holtz bent over to open the carrier. Surprising herself, Erin reached over and slapped her ass, eliciting a loud yelp. Naturally, this excited both of them more than it perhaps should have, and neither noticed as the kitten began to walk around the apartment.

  
Once again they were grabbing each other’s necks and biting each other’s lips, Holtz yielding to Erin as she directed them towards her bedroom, which they entered still in each other’s arms, and then they were collapsing onto her bed – their bed – and then they were falling off their bed when Holtz rolled over and realized they were trying to have sex in a twin bed, and then they were having sex on the floor when they both decided that wasn’t going to work out well for them.

  
Somehow, the experience of being with each other was just as amazing the third time, even if it wasn’t quite how they expected it to be.

  
Erin knew Holtz was going to tease her at some point, and as soon as her mouth was free, she did.

  
“Alright, so I thought your furniture and an IKEA trip could solve all our problems, but I think we’re going to have to be gayer than we anticipated and get a U-HAUL,” Holtz acknowledged.

  
And so the two redressed, scooped their kitten off the living room carpet, and headed off to buy a couch and rent a truck, both women simultaneously the most relaxed and excited they’d felt in their adult lives.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
